i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
