So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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