Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
