and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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