I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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