FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
