the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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