I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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