Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
