I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
