Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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