I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
