I just threw up on my dentist
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
pop tarts are not kleenex
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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