when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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