I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
