"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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