If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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