We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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