I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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