I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
