whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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