Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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