Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
