wrigley field is MILF paradise
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
