He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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