apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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