I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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