do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
