im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
