12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
