my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
