I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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