The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize