this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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