Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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