Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
