i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
