I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
