ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
