...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize