I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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