im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
