And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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