Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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