I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
