Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently you make a good broom.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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