come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
