Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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