i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
