Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
