Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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