I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
