drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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