what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
