I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
