I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
