Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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