Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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