if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
