i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
