I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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