Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
