Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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