I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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