I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
