Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
