i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
