i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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