The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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