I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
